What should I bring when I meet my Romanian partner's parents?

Something small: flowers for your partner's mother, a box of chocolates, a cake from a patisserie or a bottle of wine. If you bring flowers, give an odd number of stems, because even numbers are for funerals.

Should I use tu or dumneavoastră with my partner's parents?

Start with dumneavoastră, the polite you, with doamna or domnule and their surname. Keep it until they offer tu, for example with "Hai să ne tutuim" (let's say tu to each other).

How do I say no to more food without being rude?

Say it twice, smile and praise the food. A single no is often taken as politeness. "Mulțumesc, sunt sătul" (a man) or "sătulă" (a woman), followed by "a fost delicios" (it was delicious), is a kind way to stop.

What do Romanians say when they toast?

Noroc! (cheers, literally luck) or Sănătate! (health). To toast your hosts politely, say "În sănătatea dumneavoastră!" and look each person in the eye as you clink.

Meeting Your Romanian Partner's Parents

Overview

Meeting your Romanian partner's parents usually happens around a table, and the table is generous. You will be offered more food than you can eat, asked about your family and your work, and judged far less on your Romanian than you fear. A few words said well, a small gift and a second helping go a long way. This page walks through the visit from the door to the last toast, with the phrases that fit each moment.

Before you go

Bring something small. A bunch of flowers for your partner's mother is the classic gift, with one rule worth knowing: give an odd number of stems, because even numbers are for funerals. A box of good chocolates, a cake from a patisserie or a bottle of wine works too. If there are children in the house, a small treat for them is always noticed.

Ask your partner what to call their parents. The safe start is doamna (Mrs) and domnul (Mr) with the surname, or with the first name if your partner says that is how the family does it. When you speak to him, domnul becomes the vocative domnule: Bună ziua, domnule Popescu! For her, doamna stays the same: Bună ziua, doamna Popescu! (on its own, without a name, you say doamnă; in formal writing you will also see doamnă Popescu).

flori
flowers
doamna
Mrs, madam
domnule
sir, Mr (when you address him)
Bună ziua!
Good day! (the polite hello)

At the door

Use dumneavoastră, the polite "you", with the plural verb form: Ce mai faceți? (How are you?). Keep it until they offer tu. That moment usually comes from them, often as Hai să ne tutuim (let's say tu to each other) or simply by switching to tu themselves. The guide "Tu or dumneavoastră", under Guides, explains the forms.

Some older men greet women with Sărut mâna (literally "I kiss your hand"). Today it is mostly said by men to older women, as a mark of respect, and many younger people never use it. If your partner's father says it to you, smile; if you are a man, saying it to your partner's mother is warm and old-fashioned, and she may well love it. When in doubt, Bună ziua is always right.

Îmi pare bine de cunoștință.
Pleased to meet you.
Vă mulțumesc pentru invitație.
Thank you for the invitation (polite).
Ce mai faceți?
How are you? (polite, or to more than one person)
Sărut mâna!
I kiss your hand (a respectful greeting to a woman)

At the table

A family meal often starts with a soup, a ciorbă, then a main course, then something sweet. Before anyone eats, someone will say Poftă bună! (enjoy your meal); say it back. When a glass is raised, look the other person in the eye as you clink and say Noroc! (cheers, literally luck) or Sănătate! (health). The most polite toast to your hosts is În sănătatea dumneavoastră! (to your health).

Expect to be offered more, again and again: Mai luați! (have some more). A single "no, thank you" is often heard as politeness, so the plate comes back. If you really are full, say so twice, smile and praise the food: Mulțumesc, sunt sătul (a man) or sătulă (a woman), a fost delicios.

Poftă bună!
Enjoy your meal!
Noroc!
Cheers! (literally, luck)
Sănătate!
Health! (a toast)
În sănătatea dumneavoastră!
To your health! (polite)
Mai luați!
Have some more! (polite)
Mulțumesc, sunt sătul.
Thank you, I'm full (said by a man).
Mulțumesc, sunt sătulă.
Thank you, I'm full (said by a woman).
A fost delicios!
It was delicious!

What to talk about

Family, food, where you come from and how you met are safe and welcome. Questions about the house, the garden or the recipe make a host happy: Cum ați făcut sarmalele? (how did you make the sarmale?). Politics and money are better left for later visits. If your Romanian runs out, say so: Încă învăț româna (I'm still learning Romanian) is met with warmth almost everywhere, and someone will start teaching you words at the table.

Key Romanian vocabulary

Romanian	English	Usage note
socru / soacră	father-in-law / mother-in-law	Your partner's parents once you are married
dumneavoastră	you (polite)	With the plural verb: Ce mai faceți?
a se tutui	to switch to tu	Hai să ne tutuim = let's say tu
Poftă bună!	Enjoy your meal!	Said before eating; say it back
Noroc!	Cheers!	Look people in the eye as you clink
Mai luați!	Have some more!	You will hear it often; decline twice
Sărut mâna!	I kiss your hand	Respectful, old-fashioned greeting to a woman

What to know as a learner

Prepare four sentences and you are ready: a greeting with doamna or domnule, Vă mulțumesc pentru invitație, Poftă bună and A fost delicios. Say them slowly; a clear, careful sentence lands better than a fast one. Your partner's family will remember that you tried far longer than any mistake you made. For the names of everyone you will meet, see the guide "Family words" under Guides, and for the couple who may one day sponsor your wedding, the article "Godparents: nași" under Culture.